Q&A: If you were an American girl with plans to marry a South African man, how would you….?
Question by just wondering: If you were an American girl with plans to marry a South African man, how would you….?
live together after marriage, or just maintain a miserable long distance relationship? would you divide homes between the two countries, both you and your husband scared to be a permanent resident of the opposite country, moving you and your future children back & forth for year periods? would you name your children south african or american names? would they play rugby and netbal, or american sports? in the home would they speak Afrikaans or English? (I still can’t speak Afrikaans.) holidays? customs? anyone who can relate, I could use some hope right now. the reality of all of this is hitting me.. hard.
Best answer:
Answer by Reef Blastbody, Surfer Dude
I’d go check out South Africa. I’m sure there are nice spots. This is the sort of think you both need to work out.
What do you think? Answer below!
You two really need to pick one country or the other, Moving back and forth seems ludicrous. Once you pick the country, the dilemma of names, sports, customs, holidays, will be solved.
My cousin just married a man from Mexico City. And they had a daughter. They got married in Mexico and have a house there, but they spend the summer here in new england with my aunt and uncle in there house. They gave their daughter the name Hannah Marie. So I guess that’s a combination of American and Spanish names. Oh and Hannah is bi- lingual, she speaks both and she’s two! Katherine (My Cousin) says you pick up on the language really fast when you live in it! and Hosea already knew a lot of English but he doesn’t speak it very well hehe! But overall they’re very happy! I almost forgot! Hannah doesn’t play sports yet, but they’re hoping to get her into ballet (like Katherine) and guitar(like Hosea), both activities are popular in almost all countries!
I think you really, really need to work out as much of this as possible BEFORE you get married— before you even decide whether to get married.
Most important, of course, is what country you’ll live in. You also need to check out the immigration laws of both countries, to see if it’s even possible to live together in the same country. I used to work in immigration law, and I met many couples who had wrong assumptions about this when they married, and they were devastated to learn the truth.
Are you prepared to leave your family and friends behind, and only see them on infrequent visits? Is he? Can you find an answer to this that is fair to both of you?
It might work out all right if you agree to live, say, five years in one country and then five years in the other, but in that case you’ll have to make career plans that allow that kind of mobility, and be sure you’re both firmly committed to that plan, so one doesn’t feel cheated after five years when the other doesn’t want to move.
Languages, customs, children’s names, holidays, and so forth are all subject to compromise and accomodation, but there is really no way to reduce the distance across the Atlantic Ocean.
Well Most English African speaking countries give the children English and African names either name can be a first or middle name.English names are used in school and African name used at home and with family and friends. My sister was sent to my African relatives in Africa during summer time and holidays to learn the language while learning English in America. We spoke the language around her alot. We taught her custums. She plays soccer (also played in SA), and backetball. Since you will be living in America it would be easy for your children to learn about American things so I would suggest make sure they also learn about SA by going there etc. There are SA events in the US research them and take part make friends too. There are SA associations in the US. My sister and I traveled back and forth from the states to Africa and its the best thing my parents did for both of Us. We learned the language, the culture and it instilled in us things money or education cant buy. If you can find an Afrikaans tutur that would help, The Chinese find tuturs for their children when they raise them here. I will do the same for my children when the time comes.