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When is enough, enough with my older step daughter?

Question by Shelley: When is enough, enough with my older step daughter?
My almost 26 year old stepdaughter has announced that she is marrying a fellow that she has only dated for 10 days prior to the announcement. The fellow is a nice guy but what can I say, when on the second time I met him they announced they were getting married? Knowing Tasha like I do, there is no way to try to talk to her to maybe postpone the wedding date of June 20. I would prefer they live together and save some money as they are both broke and working paycheck to paycheck. They also announced that she is not pregnant, thank goodness! (She has a 6 year old son from another relationship) I decided to support her in her decision because if I didn’t it would have damaged our relationship that I have so enjoyed for the last two years. Tasha I’m positive is Bi Polar but unmedicated and her family doctor has prescribed Xanax for her. ????? I don’t even know if she takes it like she’s supposed to or not. The problem is Tasha was rattling off every wedding plan immediately after the announcement of the engagement at a resturant we were eating at as a family, and ignoring her son and her soon to be husband. She was highly agitated and wound up like she has been in the past. She asked me if I would take her to the bridal shops and help her pick the dresses out and help her pick her dress out. I said of course I would, but I sensed her nervousness and said don’t forget they have their biggest sale right after the holidays so just enjoy your first holidays together and don’t worry about planning you can do that after the holidays, just have a happy time at Christmas together. We then planned a family outting to get to know the fellow better the next Sat. I spoke to Tasha that Sat morning about the family outing and we were to meet them at 3pm. The next thing I know is my sister in law who is in the wedding calls me on the phone asking ‘Hey are you coming down?’……… Tasha had invited all the other girls in the wedding to go try on dresses and buy her wedding dress, but delibarately did not tell me or her step sister, my 13 year old daughter is to be a bridesmaid also. This absolutely broke my heart and broke the heart of my daughter who worships the ground Tasha walks on. I was crushed. One, she hurt he step sister and doesn’t care that she did it. Two, I’ve been her ‘mom’ for the last 9 years, granted it’s been more than difficult most of the time. She lies uncontrollably, she’s hateful, she’s absolutely unbearable at times, but I’ve always been there to catch her when she fell. Never taking control of her life but letting her make the decisions and if she asked for an opinion I gave it as an option for her to think about. I was the one she called when she was hurt or sick or lonely. I never tried to replace her Mother but was whatever she wanted me to be. She and her real Mother have a horrible relationship because they are too much alike. They haven’t spoken civil to one another for years. Tasha and my relationship had really grown the last two years, she texted or called me EVERYDAY on her lunch hour and all the way home after work. She moved into a rental home down the road from us, I open the door every morning at 5am for her to drop off our grandson, so that I can get him to & from school daily with my children, helping her as I have from the beginging. (mind you I’m only 40). I literally have include Tasha in every family gathering that we have. Her Dad and I were also wanting to surprise her for her birthday (Jan) and buy her wedding dress for her. I also wanted to take pictures of the day she found the wedding dress and the whole process for her to make a scrapbook for her to have as another personal gift for her. Needless to say, Tasha & her fellow never showed up to the family outing we planned, but that same evening we stopped by the sister in laws home visiting and Tasha & Fellow showed up. She never spoke a word to her Dad or I let alone even looked at us. She’s refused my texts, my phone calls, so I stopped trying, thinking it would give her some room to think. I cried and cried. The other children are upset with her for treating “Mom’ like that. Now tonight, she calls her Dad and says ‘I’m bringing your grandson in the morning @ 5′. He proceeds to tell her, ‘ You know I leave at 4am to go to work. That’s yours and Momma’s thing,…….’ Tasha hung up on him. What in the world do I do? She won’t talk to me at this point, I’ve debated writing a letter to her, but I don’t know what I’ve done. How do I handle this? Do I allow her to have me in her life ONLY when it’s convenient for her or when she wants something? I can’t handle the hurt much,….I’ve gotten close to her in the past only to let her sucker punch me with episodes like this. When is enough enough? I’m exhausted. Sometimes I believe I’ve used up so much of myself trying to help her and be there for her that when my own children may need me in the future that there may not be en

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Answer by Lizi
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