I really like this guy & we have a great connection but he has a girlfriend!?
Question by Kaye: I really like this guy & we have a great connection but he has a girlfriend!?
Ok, so here’s the issue…I met this guy about 3 months ago. We play on the same volleyball team. He is really sweet, sexy, good-looking and most of all, an awesome vball player. Anyway, soon after we started playing together on the team, I did a little bit of asking around and found out that he had a girlfriend. After that, I was disinterested and quit thinking about him.
Well, one day about 2 months ago, our team was supposed to meet up before our game for some margaritas. I got to the restaurant right after he did, so we were alone for a good 30 minutes. Conversation turned to his GF situation. He said that they’d been together for 10 months, are polar opposites and are on the verge of ending their relationship, but haven’t yet b/c neither one of them wants to be the bad guy. To compound things, this was right before Christmas and the GF has two kids from a previous relationship, so if he broke up with her before then, he felt it would ruin the Holiday for all three of them. Understandable.
Anyway, we went to our game only to find out that it had been canceled, so we decided to go out and have some more drinks. We ended up spending the entire night and all the next morning together talking in front of my fireplace and found out that we have so much in common. We never had sex or even kissed, just talked, but we couldn’t leave each other. We just didn’t want to! It was one of those great connections that you get once every few years, if ever. Everything just seems to fit in place. He finally left my place to go to work at 7:30am!
After that, we knew we wanted each other and even playing vball is a struggle b/c it’s painful to not be able to even touch or really talk. He has been adamant about not cheating and I haven’t tried to tease him. So Christmas and New Year’s has passed and still he has not broken up with her. He has never made any promises to me that he would, but I would assume that if he wanted me, he would do it.
He told me the other day that he didn’t want to cheapen what he had all this time with his GF by breaking up with her for another woman (me). He would rather let it happen naturally b/c of their extreme differences. He says he fights a lot with her and I can tell it really bothers him. I think also that her kids are a complication b/c they are VERY attached to him. One of them is pretty small and even calls him Dad. I’ve seen it, and he really doesn’t like it. I think he feels pretty trapped b/c he wouldn’t just be breaking up with one person, it would be three, and he’s so damn nice that he doesn’t wanna have to do it. She dumps those kids on him all the time and they aren’t his! She even makes him take them to volleyball games, but she never comes to watch him play.
He has made it sound like they both know that things are about to end, yet she just held a big surprise birthday party for him at the beginning of January…now, if I was on the tail end of a relationship and was pretty sure the guy felt the same way, (which he has led me to believe) then I’ll be damned if I’d hold a big party for him! Either he isn’t being honest with me, or maybe he is. Either way, it’s really painful to want someone this badly and not be able to have them. I can tell when he looks at me how much he wants to be with me, but he’s just not doing anything about it. Opinions?? Has anyone ever been in a situation like this before?
Best answer:
Answer by gabriel o
stay out of it obviously
sorry i know thats not what you want to hear but keep a safe distance.
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Well the thing is, he has a girlfriend.
As long as he does, he’s not available for you.
Also, when guys with girlfriends tell you all the problems in their relationships, sometimes they just want to vent, they don’t necessarily want to break up.
Apparently he doesn’t want to break up with HER or he would.
He may just want a little respite or a break from her every now and then with YOU.
If that’s the role you want to fulfill, then keep sweating him like that and maybe you’ll get to be with him again some time soon.
If that’s not the role you want to play, then leave him alone.
He has a girlfriend!
Yes- just dealt with one. He is using you as a sounding board and for “the grass is always greener” fantasy. She probably has no idea what he is doing or that he is spouting off about breaking up with her, which he probably won’t. Avoid him, change your phone number…whatever you have to do, unless he can show you he has left her.
I think that you need to be upfront with him. don’t let him play this little game. he can’t have the both of you and everything be peachy.. you know? you deserve better than that
tell him that you don’t feel comfortable spending time with him, as he is still with his girlfriend.
if he truly wants to be with you, he’ll know what he needs to do.