How do I deal with judgemental older siblings?
Question by MDLo: How do I deal with judgemental older siblings?
Both older brother and sister who have well-paying jobs are well off in life and can do a lot of things I can’t- being able to do things like take vacations, take their kids on camping and amusement park trips out of town, holding BBQ’s and parties for friends and family, etc…. That’s great for them, but me on the other hand- I work two jobs only to make ends meet and as well as taking care of a disabled parent- hardly nothing is left for luxuries- both materially or for activities. For this, my lifestyle is laid-back and simple as I have to organize myself and take care of every dime I make.
Recently my sister asked what I wanted to do in life and I said: “Oh someday visit a country in Asia- maybe Japan or Thailand…” and she says, ” and why don’t you go? holidays are around the corner!” Or she also boasts about going on cruises and going camping and she’ll say: “You and the family should come….” (paying our on way of course!) Yeah, okay….
My brother always makes comments like: “You should go out…” “Why are you always at the house?” “That jacket you wanted is on sale, why don’t you go buy it?”, etc….
How can I make them understand that just because they can get up and go and do whatever they want, other people have struggles and live paycheck by paycheck?
I’m not a jealous person and I can care less if they have money and I don’t, so why can’t they leave me alone???
Best answer:
Answer by James
Why dont you ask them why they dont take care of your disabled parent while working 2 jobs to make ends meet.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
Because to them there are no limits. Since they have plenty of money they do not have to deal with “making ends meet”. They are so use to the lifestyle they forget that not everyone is as fortunate as them. If you want them to quit, I’d start making smarta$$ remarks back like “Well I really wanted to get my Porsche first before I go to Asia”, or “sure, let me just go back to my money tree and grab a few thousand dollars”. Dumb comments deserve witty retorts. Maybe making them feel stupid for assuming you always have money will make them realize that “just go do it” isn’t an appropriate response when talking to you.
If you are caring for your siblings’ parent, then they should be chipping in something to help pay for your contribution. Perhaps you could say sweetly, “I would love to (join you for dinner/vacation/go shopping) if I could afford it, but as you know Dad/Mom can’t be left alone and we would have to hire someone to look after him/her/take him/her along with us. It takes every penny I have just to get along, but if you could help me out with some of the extra expense of caring for him/her, then I would greatly appreciate being able to get out of the house and do just that once in a while.”
If nothing else, it might stop the incessant nagging.
Ugh, what the heck! If these are your siblings and you are doing all of the care taking for one of your parents what kind of cajones do they have on them to ask why you can’t do this and that?! Next time they ask about something like this tell them, “You know, you’re right! I’m going to visit Asia. By the way, Mom/Dad will be staying with you for the duration of my trip.” That should shut their pie holes.
You need to tell both of them they need to worry about their own damn selves and get a life.